‘Chocolate and Anti-Freeze’

I sit here on the front porch contemplating the dismal option of suicide. I can’t see light at the end of the tunnel anymore. There’s no hope left for a miserable bastard like me. The sad fact is that no one would care if I die. There would be no fanfare or mourners at my grave-site.

I find myself at this dead end destination because every bitch in the neighborhood has turned her nose up at me. Seems that I’m not even worthy of a roll in the dirt with them. I think I’ll just get it over with and poison myself with chocolate and anti-freeze. There are probably more traditional ways of ‘shuffling off this mortal coil’ but my chosen method is as good as any. I’ll be just as dead when it’s all over and done with. They all have the same effect, right? I can see no reason to hurl myself in front of a car, or any other painful demise. Why should I chase death when I already have the proper ingredients beside me on the floor?

It wasn’t always this way. There was a time in my youth when I was the most popular stud around. Being the ‘alpha male’ among a whole slew of ‘wannabe’s’ definitely has it’s price in treachery, and territorial pissings. There’s always a younger, stronger, challenger anxious for dominance; looking to usurp the established authority. I’ve had more than my share of testosterone brawls and stare downs over the years. Frankly, I’m sick and tired of it. It’s just not worth it anymore. The usurpers can fight amongst themselves to impress the local females. I desire no part of it anymore. Soon the potent poison will perform it’s mission and my eternal backaches and joint pain will be gone forever. Gone like a wisp on the wind.

I do not know if there is an afterlife but perhaps I will find out soon. I feel the deadly liquid coursing through my body as it drains my life slowly. Both the anti-freeze and chocolate are deceptively pleasant to taste. It’s hard to believe something so pleasurable to consume can be so deadly. Each lap of the colorful fluid carries me closer to my ‘happy hunting ground in the sky’.

There was a time when my best friend and I hunted and spent all our time together. Unfortunately he never seems to have time to toss the red ball to me anymore. It’s just another reason why I am ending it all. Before I felt at one with him and would have sacrificed my life to protect him from harm or danger. It’s all part of a dog’s life. One that is over now.

© 2001


About Bo Bandy

Just a creative soul trapped in a world of cookie-cutter pragmatism...
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