“Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Thank you for joining us here on ‘Action News’. In our first story, I’m distressed to report that my nose has abandoned it’s normal perch on the middle of my face! An extensive search for the missing appendage has turned up nothing but a cold slime trail. A full team of investigators are working around the clock at the nasal crater crime scene to look for clues. They have yet to determine whether it is a ‘nosenapping’ or ‘mucal runaway’. A complete report is expected soon. We promise to keep you posted as further developments unfold. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.”
“A few hours ago, I reported that my central eyeglass prop was discovered missing. Detectives are still frantically searching for the renegade sniffer but experts caution that the scent trail is fading rapidly! Hope of finding it safe diminishes by the minute. During this time of facial crisis, I ask each of you to pray for it’s safe return.
So everyone understands why this investigation hits so close to home; I want to share some stories about the wonderful fragrances it has notified me about. Things like the heavenly fragrance of Mama’s homemade meals and large trays of chocolate chip cookies! Those and countless other precious memories have united us in purpose. Locating my missing nose is a desperate mission of mine. I can’t live with it! I apologize for my emotional outburst and thank you for your kind attention during this troubling time. This is your humble reporter, signing off.” (‘sniff’)
“This VERY IMPORTANT Newsflash just in!
My rogue ‘honker’ has been found safe and sound; nestled clandestinely between my grandfather’s thumb and forefinger! He was kind enough to reinstall it back onto its central location where it belongs. All’s well that ends well. Now I’m again a reporter with a NOSE for news!”