‘Eulogy for Big Willie’

    “We are gathered here today to celebrate the life and times of a gentleman giant who literally saw the world from a different vantage point than the rest of us. Today he is surely looking down upon us from the pearly gates and smiling at this loving gathering of friends and family. Roberta, do you have some kind words?”

    “Yes, thank you reverend. Everyone likes to talk about the larger-than-life persona of Wilhelm Gabriel Klein. Everything about the man was over the top and matched his toothy grin. He had a massive silhouette which cast a looming shadow wherever he went. Needless to say, just the sight of the ‘town titan’ commanded full respect from all those in his path.

   It’s been said that his infectious, booming laugh could be heard for miles. Of that claim I can not attest officially but we can all agree it was mighty loud, nonetheless. His lavish parties were legendary and he lived an extravagant lifestyle befitting his Teutonic ancestors. Everything about this huge soul was ‘large and in charge’.

   It’s no surprise that when the time came, Wilhelm Klein’s funeral would also be equally large and jolly. All of us know that he wouldn’t want us to mourn his untimely passing. He would expect it to be festive and joyous, just as he lived his life. His personal philosophy was all about celebration over adversity. As long as we remember his huge heart, he will live on in all of us.”

   “Thank you Roberta! That was a lovely tribute. He certainly carried the spirit and courage of a mountain. Who would like to go next? Phillip?”

   “Good evening everyone. Yes, those dinner parties were legendary. That’s for sure. Before they were over there was always someone swinging from the chandelier; but that’s how ‘Big Lord Willie Klein’ liked it. Massive! As we all know, because of his peculiar height, he had many obstacles to face and overcome. It was difficult to find clothes that fit his unusual dimensions and driving an automobile was always a special challenge. Most household items were built to be used by human beings within the so-called ‘normal’ size range. For this reason, I helped to personalize his home and outfit it to suit his special needs. The needs of a man of considerable character.

   Despite being so different in size, Wilhelm Klein didn’t want anyone to treat him that way. As far as he was concerned, he was just as ‘normal’ as everyone else. That was, despite there being almost two feet of difference in height with the rest of us. He refused to allow his physical attributes or stature to dictate how others related to, or saw him. 

    By not expecting special treatment or physical considerations, Big Willie always earned the complete respect of everyone he met. He adopted a very positive, progressive attitude and led by example. He was always generous with his time, charitable with his money, and gentle in his interactions with others. We’ve all witnessed his gregarious attitude a thousand times. It was a magnet for making new friends and a launching pad for his success in the business world. Now that the end has come for his mortal shell, there is no shortage of admirers and friends here to step forward and speak at his wake. I am just one of many.”

    “Thank you Phillip! That was another amazing eulogy and the testimony to a very beloved man. While personally diminutive in size, Wilhelm Klein was incredibly tall in spirit. A true ‘giant’ of a human being that happened to only stand three feet, eleven inches tall in platform shoes. His life experiences as a dwarf and how he handled them made us all better people and human beings. May he Rest In Peace.”


About Bo Bandy

Just a creative soul trapped in a world of cookie-cutter pragmatism...
This entry was posted in Children's Stories, Different Perspectives, Fiction Stories, Humor, Inspirational, Jokes, Mystery, Twilight Zone Inspired, Uncategorized, Whimsical. Bookmark the permalink.

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